I hate minding what I eat. I rebel against any type of diet because I hate it when I can’t eat what I want.
So I eat, eat and eat. And then when I realize how fat I am becoming I tried all those wonder diets that supposedly work for a lot of people.
I’ve tried drinking tea that makes you poop all your fat (supposedly). I tried letting go of rice (each time I go back stuffing myself to death with meals with all the rice I can eat). I’ve even taken, in my weakest moment, those forbidden weight loss pills that just made my heart beat super fast like a bullet train and cranky all day long.
When I came to my senses a year ago. I felt relief and happiness. Finally! This is the start of my journey. I started choosing the food that goes into my mouth and my tummy. I learned yoga and loved it. I joined a community website that inspired me a lot. I met people who have conquered their weight loss journey and are happy.
By this day, according to the list of goals I have written a year ago, I am supposed to be 40lbs lighter, eating healthier and enjoying the reward I have set for myself.
But damn it, I was wrong.
To this day, I can’t control my food intake, I can’t exercise regularly and I may be a bit wiser, but I am not as happy as I thought I would be. And I still am not 40lbs lighter.
From my year of obsessing, I have learned all the “secrets”, I have gobbled up all the inspirational messages and pictures, I have read and read from success stories to success stories. With all these information, I should be celebrating my own journey now, right? Wrong. Up until today, I can’t bring myself to have that real passion to achieve my goal.
The wake up call in 2010 is probably the most serious “Aha!” moment. I am at my heaviest at 187lbs. For someone who is only 5’1 in height, this is a serious matter. I felt like a cola tin can who have been stepped on. Short and stumpy.
During this time a joined a group of people who wanted to learn yoga so I joined them every Saturday. I read online about routines, so I can do it at home while waiting for Saturday. I kind of succeeded because in two-weeks time, I can practically do the poses on my own and I have a routine that I follow diligently.
In 3-4 months time, together with eating more intelligently, I was below the 180lbs mark and I never felt better.
But it’s no time for celebration yet.
By this time, it’s almost Christmas and we all know what happens during the holiday season.
I never want to blame anyone for my weight gain but myself. But being happy in love definitely made my appetite stronger. It helps that the one you are in-love with loves to eat as well and dining out have become our bonding session.
I was thankful for the new experiences because when I wasn’t with him yet, the only Chinese food I know are siopao and pancit.
Being with someone who has a strong appetite and has a love affair with food made me mindless about nutrition. As long as I’m happy, I don’t care. He loves me for what I am and that’s what matters.
The 2nd “Aha!” Moment
By May 2011, I am a delighted soon-to-be bride to the “enabler” :D. You would think this would inspire me to loose weight immediately. But it didn’t happen as fast. I even considered walking down the aisle to my current weight. I thought, if I try loosing weight now, It will only show that I am only doing it for the photos and not really for me.
When we went to visit our couturier, I have decided to loose some weight for the wedding. But not really. I wasn’t convinced yet. He surprised me by telling me that he will measure me early because he would have to do a lot of gowns and he didn’t want to cram. He said to come back in a month’s time so he can measure me for my dress.
I panicked. How much weight can one really loose in 1 month. So I made sure to ask him if he can still adjust my dress if I loose more weight in the months before the wedding and he assured me that of course he can. As long as it’s to shrink the dress and not to make it bigger.
By then, I am still not sure I can march down the aisle slimmer. But thinking about it now, it was the first time I have voiced out my goal to loose weight other than the closest person to me (“the enabler”).
But that wasn’t the 2nd “Aha!” moment. It came right after my friend’s wedding where I was a bridesmaid. The dress I wore was beautiful and it fits me but I was sure I don’t want to be this big on my own wedding.
So the next day, I brought down the book Strength Training for Women by Lori Incledon that I’ve been keeping on the shelf for more than a year and started measuring my body fat percentage. Then the “AHA!” moment finally happened.
The measurement must be wrong! I can’t have this much fat in my body! It says my body fat is 43% (or higher)!!! THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE!
Starting the Journey (For real)
Armed with the knowledge I already know and from what I have been reading starting that day, I followed a beginner’s plan from that same book. I have been doing it for almost 2 weeks now and I am way too far from my goal. But each day that I exercise, I feel myself feeling better and getting stronger.
I thank yoga from last year because until now, I feel more flexible. I can reach my toes while standing up and while sitting down, so that helps me a lot while stretching which is the starting and end point of all exercises.
I still have to stay longer on the cardio machine and watch what I eat (IT’S SO HARD!), be careful of the exercises I do to avoid injury, but I can say that, finally, I have woken up from my long sleep and fighting everyday to avoid excuses.
I am so far from my goal.
I plan to get a trainer soon, so I can maximize my training program. I got trainers and they help me with my fitness program.
But as I’ve learned, there is no easy or fast way to being fit.
Current Weight: 176lbs
First Goal Weight: 159lbs
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